If you need a measuring stick for crazy, look no further

I learn new things about myself all the time.

The latest?

I suck at being lazy.

If I don't get out of this bed soon I'm going to stab someone. Oh, but wait. I have no access to stabbing things because I'm stuck. In the bed. With only my laptop, the remote control, and a huge bottle of Milk of Magnesia.

I must say in regards to my lack of pooping thing, I am impressed and humbled by your response. You people sure know a lot about Things That Make You Go Poo.

All I have to say now is...Um, how do I shut it off? Seriously.

Anyway, you cannot begin to imagine how bored out of my skull I am.

I've tried to work on my book, but I'm half zonked on painkillers. So to give you an idea of how it's going, here's a snippet.

And then we walked outside to the place we first met the giant ant-like creature, except he wasn't there anymore. He had taken his rightful place in the Dairy Queen--seated in the first booth where he was demanding all the cherries. I was both shocked and intrigued by Drako's insistence that chocolate sauce was for wimps and cheerleaders....

Yeah. Something tells me this *won't* be a bestseller. I think I'll wait and start writing again when I'm NOT high. Unless you like where this is going. Yes? No?

Anyway, like I said, I'm laid up with nothing to do. One thing is certain, boredom is not a good color on me. I'm all pasty and frowny and my hair is matted to my head. I look like what a girl looks like the morning after she makes her debut on a Girls Gone Wild video. Of course, without showing my boobs. Although I'm this close to flashing the Internet--you know, just to spice things up. (Just think what it could do for my career)

I've tried watching TV. booor-ing

I've been on Twitter. You WON'T believe the drama that's happening right now. Thank God for it or I really would've stabbed someone by now--mostly likely, ME. (by the way, as I'm writing this Twitter is down. I repeat, someone broke Twitter. My whole body is starting to itch and my left eye won't stop twitching. I *may* have a Twitter addiction)

I've watched more college football than I care to admit.

And now I'm counting the seconds until the NFL Countdown Show starts.

I've begged, I've pleaded...Pleeeeaase let me get out of the house. Just for a minute. I want to see the sun. Wait. I've forgotten what the sun looks like. Oh God, it's the bright orangey thing in the sky right? Right?!

I'm losing my mind. I mean, I know my mind has been scrutinized and its sanity questioned ever since I started talking about midgets and their sexual practices, but seriously, I think I'm REALLY losing it this time.

I'm starting to forget how to do things--like drive a car, take out the garbage, write my name. Oh for the love of Pete, somebody please send wine. Er, I mean....

Oh. There's the alarm. Time for more pain medicine.

What were we talking about?

And why am I craving a hot fudge sundae?

Weird.

Why are you looking at me like that?